His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
dude. I can hear the air.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
