I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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