I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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