So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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