Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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