Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
