I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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