He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
