would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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