It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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