i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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