Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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