:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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