Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
