You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
