I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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