it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
