Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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