i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
