Yo dont text me then not text me
I look better un-naked...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
