Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
