OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
