I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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