I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Randomize
