Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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