It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize