this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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