At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize