Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
