Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
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By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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