party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
