did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
