.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
