so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is it penis luge time yet?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
