a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
