How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize