I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
