This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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