Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
