when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
