So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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