i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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