I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she smelled like a LAN party
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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