are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
