I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
