Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
