You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
