someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
