I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
