he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hippo gnu deer
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
