im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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