I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
