I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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