I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Couch. On fire.
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