i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
