At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Oh god it's open bar.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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