I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
