I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
