he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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