I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
