But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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