i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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