He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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