I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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