They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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